Toxic Filipino Culture: Anak, ikaw ang mag-aahon sa amin sa hirap.

It's a deeply entrenched practice in Filipino culture that might sound familiar to many: "Anak, ikaw ang mag-aahon sa amin sa hirap." We've grown so accustomed to this mindset that we often fail to question it. But should this really be the norm? Most certainly not! In our Filipino culture, it's all too common for parents to view their children as their ticket out of poverty. In many other societies, this concept might seem alien, but here, it's a harsh reality.

The tragic consequence? The child, often with a tender heart, shoulders the entire family's burdens, turning into the breadwinner while their capable parents remain unemployed, fully dependent on their offspring's hard-earned income. Sometimes, even a married sibling might join the mix, adding to the breadwinner's load. This can be an overwhelming setup for the breadwinner who often receives little appreciation in return.

As your Good Marites, I am raising my voice for all hardworking breadwiners in the Philippines. We need to challenge this unhealthy dependency. Being a breadwinner should not be synonymous with being an endless source of money. If you're unable to or choose not to provide financial support at times, it doesn't label you as a 'bad' family member. Yet, the demands often don't stop, as if you're an inexhaustible golden goose. Do you find these thoughts resonating with you, but fear voicing them out?

This, my friends, is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. The tools of this abuse are manipulation, guilt-tripping, and coercive control, and they are just as damaging as physical abuse.

In order to navigate out of this painful situation, you must first acknowledge that you're being abused. This is not an easy task, especially when the idea of "utang na loob" is deeply ingrained in our psyche. Acknowledging this truth is your first step towards peace. Next, it's time to practice self-care and self-love. Remember, your hard-earned money is yours first. It's not wrong to help your family, but also ensure you're taking care of yourself.

If over the years, they've been unable or unwilling to secure their own jobs or plan for their retirement, it's time to rethink your support. It's a harsh reality, but endless dependency without any attempts at self-improvement is unhealthy. Assist them only when they show the willingness to help themselves.

This shift in perspective might be hard for some to accept, but it's a conversation we need to have. Let's change this narrative together and promote a culture of self-sufficiency and mutual respect within our families.